TLDR: I’ve learned, through both pain and healing, how deeply important human intimacy and loving touch really are. Growing up without it left scars, but it also pushed me to recognize its necessity for emotional well-being — and to be intentional about how I show love in my own relationships and with my kids.
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You know, sometimes I think we don’t talk nearly enough about how much we actually need human touch. Real, loving touch. Hugs, a hand on the shoulder, cuddles, closeness. In a world where so much of our connection happens through screens, it’s easy to forget that our bodies and hearts crave touch just as much as food and water.
For me, this has been a huge theme in my life — mostly because I grew up without much of it.
Growing Up Without Affection
My childhood wasn’t filled with hugs or cuddles. My mom, who was dealing with her own health struggles and narcissism, didn’t want to be touched. She’d even call us “dirty” or “harmful” if we reached for her. That left me with a really confusing relationship with intimacy. And on top of that, my siblings and I went through trauma, including sexual abuse, which twisted my understanding of touch even more.
My dad was around for some fun moments, but he wasn’t the nurturing type either. So I grew up with this huge hole where love through touch should’ve been.
Carrying That Into Adulthood
When I started dating, I remember feeling like physical touch was a minefield. On one hand, I wanted it — I craved affection. On the other, it could turn inappropriate so quickly, and that left me shocked, confused, and guarded.
Even on my wedding night, I was completely unprepared. I didn’t understand my own needs or how to talk about them, and there wasn’t much open conversation about intimacy in the culture I grew up in. Looking back, I realize how much harm comes from never being taught how to talk honestly about sex, love, and affection.
Learning the Value of Loving Touch
When I became a mom, I knew I wanted something different for my kids. I made it a priority to hold them close, cuddle them, let them fall asleep on my chest. I wanted them to feel loved, not just hear the words. That decision was deeply tied to healing my own wounds — I didn’t want them to carry the same emptiness I had carried.
But even in my marriage, things weren’t simple. When I tried to express my need for more affection, my husband would sometimes take it as criticism. That left me feeling guilty, like maybe I was asking for too much. And yet, the truth is: none of us are asking “too much” when we ask for loving touch. It’s a basic human need.
Healing and What I’ve Learned
Over time, through a lot of self-reflection and healing, I’ve realized that intimacy isn’t optional for us as human beings. It’s not some extra perk of life — it’s vital to our emotional and physical health. A simple hug can literally change your whole day. It can ground you, calm your nervous system, and remind you that you’re not alone.
When we don’t get that kind of intimacy, the consequences are real. Relationships become strained. Loneliness creeps in. Some people turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms just to fill the void. I’ve been there — and I’ve seen firsthand how much better life feels when there’s safe, loving touch in it.
Why This Matters
If there’s one thing I hope people take away from my story, it’s that we need to start talking more openly about intimacy. Not just sex, but the everyday hugs, the hand-holding, the snuggling on the couch. We need to teach our kids that it’s okay to want affection, and it’s important to give it freely and lovingly.
Because intimacy and loving touch aren’t luxuries — they’re part of what makes us human. They heal, they connect, and they help us thrive. And I believe the more we embrace that truth, the healthier and more loving our relationships — and our society — will be.