TLDR: In this blog post, I explore my journey through physical and emotional healing after multiple surgeries, drawing parallels to the Savior's atonement. I discuss the connection between trauma, forgiveness, and the process of healing, emphasizing the importance of confronting and releasing emotional pain.
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In this blog post, I want to share a personal analogy that relates to forgiveness and the healing power of the Savior's atonement. My journey through physical pain and emotional trauma has led me to profound insights about healing and the nature of suffering.
The Journey of Surgery
About a year and a half ago, I faced the daunting decision to undergo hip replacement surgery. This decision was fraught with fear and panic, as I had already endured seven surgeries prior. Each surgery was a significant challenge for me, both physically and emotionally. The experience of surgery often felt like a violation, reminiscent of past abuses I had suffered.
The First Surgery Experience
For my first hip replacement, I chose to be awake during the procedure. This decision allowed me to remain present in my body, providing myself with the emotional support I needed. Although I could feel the stitches being placed at the end of the surgery, I felt a sense of empowerment by being conscious and aware throughout the process.
The Second Surgery Experience
However, during my second hip replacement, my experience was different. I expressed my desire to remain awake to the anesthesiologist, but he decided to administer more anesthesia due to my previous experience. As a result, I fell asleep and woke up in tears, overwhelmed by a flood of emotions. This reaction prompted me to reflect deeply on why God sometimes allows us to endure such painful experiences instead of granting immediate healing.
The Question of Healing
As I pondered my situation, I found myself questioning why I could not simply be healed by God. Why did I have to go through the pain of surgery and the emotional turmoil that accompanied it? This led me to consider the deeper connections between my physical ailments and the emotional trauma I had experienced, particularly related to childhood abuse.
The Connection Between Trauma and Physical Pain
Through my studies, I learned that emotions can manifest physically in our bodies. In my case, I realized that I had stored much of my emotional pain from past traumas in my hips. The hips symbolize our foundation and our ability to move forward in life. The physical issues I faced were not just medical but were deeply intertwined with my emotional history.
Relating to the Savior's Atonement
This reflection brought me to a powerful realization about the Savior's atonement. Just as my femur heads had to be removed to facilitate healing, the Savior had to endure suffering and ultimately die for our sins. His sacrifice was necessary for our spiritual rebirth and healing.
The Process of Letting Go
I began to see my surgeries as a metaphor for the emotional and spiritual healing we all need. The process of having parts of me removed—both physically and emotionally—was akin to the Savior taking on our burdens. He bore the weight of our sins and traumas, allowing us to experience a form of resurrection and renewal.
Conclusion
In conclusion, my journey through surgery and healing has taught me invaluable lessons about forgiveness, suffering, and the nature of healing. The emotional pain we carry can be as toxic as physical ailments, and confronting these feelings is essential for true healing. The Savior's willingness to take on our burdens provides a path for us to release our pain and find peace. Understanding this connection has been a source of strength for me, and I hope it resonates with others who are on their own healing journeys.