TLDR: I want to share my thoughts and experiences with masturbation — the societal views, my personal struggles, and why self-love matters. I believe in having open conversations about body positivity and addressing the harm that shame can cause when it comes to self-exploration.

Masturbation is a topic that has always stirred strong feelings and conflicting opinions for me. In this post, I want to delve into my own journey with it — exploring my personal experiences, the societal norms I grew up with, and the steps I’ve taken toward self-acceptance.

My Internal Struggle

For years, I wrestled with feelings about my body and sexual pleasure. That struggle was intensified by the societal and religious teachings I absorbed, which often painted self-exploration as something shameful. I remember feeling deeply confused — wanting to enjoy intimacy with my partner, yet burdened by the conflicting messages I had been given about masturbation.

The Impact of Shame

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is how damaging it can be to shame children for exploring their bodies. I was told early on that certain touches were “bad,” and I internalized that message. That kind of shame can create a real disconnection from our own bodies. Looking back, I wish I had been given honest, age-appropriate answers instead — guidance that redirected my curiosity without making me feel guilty or wrong.

Wrestling with Religious Teachings

I’ve also struggled with the tension between my own needs and the teachings of the church about masturbation. That conflict left me with feelings of guilt and confusion, and it took years to begin healing my relationship with my body. Trying to reconcile my desires with the moral framework I was taught was emotionally exhausting — and for a long time, it made me feel unworthy.

My Thoughts on Pornography

Another part of my journey has been recognizing the role pornography played in my habits. For me, and for many others, masturbation often went hand-in-hand with porn. At one point, I realized I was developing patterns that felt addictive — patterns that distracted me from real-life connections and responsibilities. I’ve had to be honest with myself about how easy it is to get caught in that loop and how isolating it can be.

Redefining Self-Exploration

The word masturbation has always carried negative connotations for me, almost as if it implied defilement. Over time, I’ve come to reject that idea. My body is a gift — something to be cared for and cherished, not treated with disgust. I now see self-touch, when approached with intention, as a form of self-love, especially for those of us who have experienced trauma or abuse.

Finding the Balance

While I believe self-love is vital, I’ve also learned that it’s possible to cross into self-abuse. The key for me has been finding a balance — using self-exploration as a healthy way to connect with myself, not as an escape from reality or as a source of harm. This distinction has helped me navigate my feelings about masturbation with far more clarity.

Closing Reflections

My journey toward understanding masturbation has been deeply personal, shaped by both external pressures and my own internal battles. I believe that open conversations about body positivity and self-exploration are essential for breaking down the shame that so many of us carry. Learning to approach my body with respect, care, and love has helped me build a healthier relationship with myself — and that, in turn, has enriched my relationships with others.